I’ve heard once before about how this guy ( forgive me for not remember who it is, I’m sure it’s important in some way, go look it up and come back to me, actually I heard this in a hipster movie don’t look it up it’s probably bullshit, but it’s interesting bullshit) reevaluates himself every five years like clockwork and notices how much he fucked up five years ago vowing he will change and fully believing it. This always struck me as kinda funny that not only can he not notice what hes doing now, but that he fully believes hes making progress even though every single time he looks back he sees how bad he fucked up. It’s almost like that one person who plays the lotto every single day on the offchance that there going to win once, sure someday you might win but was it really worth it all? Like I don’t get it, is it seriously impossible to look at yourself in an unbiased matter until it’s too late to do anything? Because if it is what’s the fucking point? If it’s really impossible all we can do is hope well get better and believe in some blissfully ignorant form of denial that things will not only work out but improve dramatically. That our current situation is so much better then our past one. Now I know this is the opposite for some people where they have a nostalgia for that past as do I but it goes double for us at times, you can’t just live in the past for you’ll have no future, and you can’t live in the future because your past will cease to exist. You need to live in the tightrope that is the present walking a thin line between past and future, with a safety net to catch you at the bottom if you fall off. And you need to understand that things are not better or worse because they were the past or future, they just are. Time holds no emotions or traits, it just is. That was then, this is now, later will be then again. It’s a beautiful system if you keep it like that. People are fucking weird, myself included. This was just a stupid rant, bye now.